Searching for Equanimity

Dear world, I am a creative business owner and mother of one. (Soon to be two, any day now really!) I am desperately searching for equanimity. When I googled it, I realize a lot of other people are searching for it too. It’s a highly searched term and most of the searches seem to start with needing to define it. It seems as though we know we need equanimity but we don’t even know what it is well enough to start developing it in ourselves. Any help would be appreciated!

Sincerely,

Creative Business Owner and Mom Seeking Calm Mind

If you are familiar with meditation you may have heard about “Loving Kindness” meditation. It is one of my favorite meditations both in practice and simply when I think about it’s purpose. Through meditation we practice being mindful or calm or, in this specific case, full of love and compassion. To practice loving better is a pretty beautiful thing. Especially when you know more about this meditation and realize you have to start with loving yourself better.

However, that is not the subject of today’s post. It’s simply background to bring you around to the search for equanimity. It’s also my fall-back plan. When the search for or practice of equanimity gets challenging it might be helpful to practice some loving kindness and self-compassion.

Meditation teachers often say that there’s no bad meditation or meditators. They say that many of us have busy minds and that the key is to become more aware of our minds. We return again and again to the focus of our meditation whether that’s the breath or a mantra or something else.

Yet, what many people want when they take up meditation is equanimity. We want to quiet the mind in order to reduce stress or anxiety. We have a desire to be able to enter a stressful or painful situation without being knocked off balance.

Eventually we realize that the practice of meditation will indeed help us with our goal. Eventually. But first we have to start with observing. We have to begin with understanding.

defining equanimity

Let’s dive a little deeper into what equanimity is. We can think of it as a calm mind, an even temper, or finding balance. One quality is being able to remain at ease especially in difficult situations. It’s being able to feel a strong emotion or sensation without needing to react. Or it’s hearing harsh words without taking them personally. Picture weathering a storm without being knocked off balance.

You can see why in my current condition, equanimity has been top of mind. I’m a business owner, creative, mother, wife, and very pregnant. Pick any one and know that finding equanimity would be beneficial.

developing equanimity

I’ve alluded to a few ways I know to develop equanimity starting with awareness. Developing our awareness of what our mind does is the perfect start. Sometimes we react without even noticing our reactions. How can we control them if we don’t see them coming? Other ways of thinking about this are mindfulness, awareness, or being present.

How easily do we also say that we’re stressed or busy without actually knowing the specific causes of such emotions. Am I really busy or am I just saying yes to too many things? What specifically is stressful and is it something out of my control or are there changes I can make?

After awareness it seems like practice is the next logical step. Sitting in meditation and simply returning the the object of meditation when the mind wanders is a way of practicing this idea of not reacting. Similarly, how long can you let a fly buzz around your head before you can’t resist swatting it? What about seeing how long you can leave an itch unscratched?

Next, I come to understanding. I spent some quality time with some amazing friends this past weekend talking about my upcoming birth. Afterwards I realized the power of understanding. Seeing things through the eyes of others allows me to step back and realize that sometimes what we think isn’t actually reality. We embellish things in our minds to the point where we aren’t seeing them clearly.

I have similar challenges when it comes to owning my own business. It’s easy for me to panic about something before I understand it completely. When we take the time to understand where we are with our marketing or accounting or anything else it helps us to think logically rather than emotionally. It helps us to be able to come up with steps to solve the problem rather than waste time worrying about it.

Lastly, I return to love and compassion. Always return to love and compassion. As we develop our awareness and grow our understanding, as we get to know ourselves and the situations we are in better, it’s important to continue to return to this starting place. After all, equanimity is a kind of strength. It’s standing tall in strong winds, it’s riding the waves, it’s weathering the storm.

equanimity for creativity, business, and parenthood

In conclusion, here are a few of my thoughts on how we can find more equanimity. Start with love, kindness, and compassion. You have to believe in your (creativity/business/intuition) so that when someone doesn’t like your (work/way of doing things) you can let that go.

Stay present, aware, and mindful. Spend time observing yourself (at least as much as you observe others on social media) and learn about your reactions, tendencies and fears. Once you can put a finger on your limiting beliefs or crippling habits you might just be able to begin to have some power over them.

Understand what you’re doing and why. Make intentional choices about how you spend your time and how your make decisions. The more thought you put into your methodology the less likely you are to doubt it or stress about it. Utilize good friends for this one to speak the truth to you about how they see your effectiveness.

I’d love to hear from you! Are you searching for equanimity? Do you have more tips for achieving it?

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I’m Brenda Bergreen, one grateful half of a husband and wife photography team specializing in outdoor weddings and other adventures. Capturing people in nature and the mountain lifestyle is a passion that became a dream (that became a goal) that became a life.

Based in Evergreen, CO we travel throughout the state as Colorado mountain and adventure wedding photographers. We also frequently travel to California and other wedding destinations to document your love in a variety of memorable settings. Don’t hesitate to contact us and let us know how we can help! Be sure to follow us (weddings instagram & adventures instagram) and/or like us (facebook) to stay tuned.

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